A Snail’s Pace

I realize most kids are dawdlers, but I think my six-year-old daughter would win a gold medal for being the number one dilly-dallier. She does almost everything at a snail’s pace. Let’s take a look at yesterday morning, for example.

8:00 – “What would you like for breakfast, sweetie?”

“I don’t know”

I proceed to give her plenty of options, and yet I still get the same response.

As she is still trying to decide, I go downstairs and gather up an outfit for her to wear for the day (trust me when I say if I didn’t do this you’d be reading this dialog between us for a minimum of two hours).

“Well how ‘bout you get dressed while you decide”

Grudgingly she complies (hallelujah! – at least we aren’t arguing about that this particular morning)

I go into the bathroom and start getting ready myself.

8:10 – I call from the bathroom – “Are you dressed yet?”

“Nope”

Grumbling to myself, I politely say “Please get dressed”

8:15 – “Taylor, are you dressed yet?”

“Kind of!”

I peek out the bathroom door – she is idly flipping through a book that happens to be laying on the couch. She is naked except for socks and underwear. At least it is a start! I remind her, once again, to get dressed.

8:18 – I’m completely ready and starting to make the beds. “Taylor why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“I AM getting dressed Mom!” she says while the shirt is hanging around her neck with only one sleeve in, and instead of continuing the task at hand she is petting the dog.

“Taylor, come on!”

8:20 – I hear fits of giggling from the living room. “Mom!, Sophie’s chasing her tail!”

“That’s nice….can you finish getting dressed, PLEASE!!!!”

8:23 – As I am finishing with the last bed I hear a game starting to take place upstairs “Let’s pretend your Binoo and I’m Toopi….”

“Taylor! Are you dressed?”

“Almost!”

“Then there are no games until you are completely ready!”

“But Mooooommmm!”

“Just. Get. Dressed!”

8:25 – As I round the corner at the top of the stairs I take a deep breath, for I know what I am going to be up against. Sure enough there she is with her shirt, socks, and underwear on…but no pants.

“Taylor!…I am not going to ask you again….GET DRESSED!!!”

“Okaaaaay Mommy!”

8:28 – She is finally dressed.

We have approx. 15 minutes for her to eat, brush her hair and teeth, and get her shoes and coat on. It is simply not going to happen. It is honestly a conundrum over which task I feel would take her the least amount of time. I tell her to brush her teeth – at least her toothbrush has a light that goes off after 1 minute! While she is brushing her teeth I brush her hair.

“While I am making you some breakfast (to take in the car – for it is basically impossible for her to have the time to eat it while sitting at the table), go down and pick out a barrette for your hair.”

I make the breakfast (peanut butter sandwich), put the cold food into their lunch kits, put a few dishes in the dishwasher, quickly wipe the counter, grab everything we need for the day and at 8:40 I head downstairs. I find her playing with her toys in the playroom – with her hair still hanging in her eyes.

“Where is your barrette!?!?!?” I say exasperated.

The day has just begun and I am already worn out. It’s no wonder I am getting so many grey hairs!

Do any of your children move at a snail’s pace?

2 Responses to "A Snail’s Pace"

Vicky Andersen says:

January 30, 2013 at 11:51 PM

Ohhhh…….I think that was a story that my mom could’ve written about the two of US.

So here is what it looks like from the daughter’s perspective; I remember having very strong feelings about MY time, MY space, and MY ideas and what I wanted MY day to look like. This other person, “my mom”, never/rarely checked with ME, to see what might work for ME, for a change……..negotiating with a youngster never occurred to her.

Now let’s remember that young people are the centre of their own universe and it’s pretty intense until we mature and learn to include others in our consideration. Let’s also remember that moms are “in charge” of us and pretty much everything else in the day to day routine. Well how are we going to reconcile our different ideas about what’s supposed to happen? What skills are available to the daughter (passive resistance, tantrums, blind obedience, etc.) and what skills can Mom bring to the table (inspiring, patience, motivating, negotiating, cajoling, manipulating, consequences/threats, etc.)? Luckily we, as moms, have quite a few options to choose from, to try and get our needs met. As long as we are clever enough to avoid a power struggle, we might have half a chance of succeeding. Several dynamics seem to show up in situations where there is conflict of interest……..”NO” usually trumps “YES” and whomever is the most intensely attached to a particular outcome, is the one likely to lose the battle (assuming it’s now come to this). There are dozens of books written on such topics and the best one I’ve read is, “Honey I Wrecked the Kids”……..author forgotten. Also one might access, “Astrology for the Soul”, just to see what raw material you have to work with.

By the way, I still move at a snail’s pace and still see my mom, who is 80 on Valentine’s Day, as a force to be reckoned with! First-borns (me) seem to be more inclined toward perfectionism……I did and still do run a perfectionist program (somewhat modified by time, experience and age). I like to enjoy what I do and that usually takes me a lot more time. If you want a thorough job done, I’m your gal, but be prepared to be patient. I still probably frustrate my mom and now I have a first-born, 34 year old son who is, if you can imagine, even more plodding than I, lol.

Thanks for prompting these ancient memories, Kim and best of luck finding a creative solution to lighting a fire under your daughter, when it’s required. One little thought occurred to me in regards to her dressing episode……since she is not going out, regularly for her schooling, she may not quite understand why it’s necessary for her to change out of her jammies in the mornings. Also, consistency is known for it’s effectiveness as a teaching skill, as you probably know.

Reply
1. Kim says:
  
  February 6, 2013 at 8:23 PM
  
  As usual, Vicky, you have some great thoughts here! I have heard good things about “Honey I Wrecked the Kids” before, so it should probably be something I seek out – thank you (I already took your previous advice on the other book…it is definitely a good one.) I too am a first born, and can completely relate to the ‘perfectionist program’, and can already see it happening in Taylor. For these instances that I am talking about, however, I don’t quite see it as Taylor trying to be a perfectionist but more just being easily distracted and/or with an extreme lack of focus – which is something I have a hard time relating too. (but that is obviously just my opinion, LOL!).
  
  I completely agree with consistency – and try to do my best with making sure we maintain a consistent daily routine, whether out and about or not. However, we most definitely have ‘pajama days’ too once in awhile…but not enough for her to wonder why we have to get ready in the morning!?
  
  Obviously it is just going to have to be something I work on for myself – more patience and better time management is definitely needed!
  
  Thanks again!

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